Beautiful Country by Qian Julie Wang

Title: Beautiful Country

Author: Qian Julie Wang

Publisher: Doubleday 2021

Genre: Memoir

Pages: 320

Rating: 3/5 stars

Reading Challenges: 52 Book Club - Refugee

In Chinese, the word for America, Mei Guo, translates directly to “beautiful country.” Yet when seven-year-old Qian arrives in New York City in 1994 full of curiosity, she is overwhelmed by crushing fear and scarcity. In China, Qian’s parents were professors; in America, her family is “illegal” and it will require all the determination and small joys they can muster to survive.

In Chinatown, Qian’s parents labor in sweatshops. Instead of laughing at her jokes, they fight constantly, taking out the stress of their new life on one another. Shunned by her classmates and teachers for her limited English, Qian takes refuge in the library and masters the language through books, coming to think of The Berenstain Bears as her first American friends. And where there is delight to be found, Qian relishes it: her first bite of gloriously greasy pizza, weekly “shopping days,” when Qian finds small treasures in the trash lining Brooklyn’s streets, and a magical Christmas visit to Rockefeller Center—confirmation that the New York City she saw in movies does exist after all.

But then Qian’s headstrong Ma Ma collapses, revealing an illness that she has kept secret for months for fear of the cost and scrutiny of a doctor’s visit. As Ba Ba retreats further inward, Qian has little to hold onto beyond his constant refrain: Whatever happens, say that you were born here, that you’ve always lived here.

Our August choice for book club and it just wasn’t my thing. Very rarely do I really enjoy a memoir/autobiography. They often fall a little flat for me and sometimes become very repetitive. This one started out interesting highlighting a life experience that is very different from my own. But… I found that Wang does not do enough self-reflection and commentary about her early life in America. We see many family members making terrible choices without commentary. Wide swathes of peoples are painted with a large brush, exactly what Wang argues is her own experience. I wanted to see a bit of self-reflection with her own biases and prejudices. We don’t get too much introspection. And then the book just ends. The last chapter does a bit of fast-forwarding to her later life, but it just felt unfinished in my mind.

Next up on the TBR pile:

I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

Title: I’m Glad My Mom Died

Author: Jennette McCurdy

Publisher: Simon & Schuster 2022

Genre: Memoir

Pages: 304

Rating: 4/5 stars

Reading Challenges:

Jennette McCurdy was six years old when she had her first acting audition. Her mother’s dream was for her only daughter to become a star, and Jennette would do anything to make her mother happy. So she went along with what Mom called “calorie restriction,” eating little and weighing herself five times a day. She endured extensive at-home makeovers while Mom chided, “Your eyelashes are invisible, okay? You think Dakota Fanning doesn’t tint hers?” She was even showered by Mom until age sixteen while sharing her diaries, email, and all her income.

In I’m Glad My Mom Died, Jennette recounts all this in unflinching detail—just as she chronicles what happens when the dream finally comes true. Cast in a new Nickelodeon series called iCarly, she is thrust into fame. Though Mom is ecstatic, emailing fan club moderators and getting on a first-name basis with the paparazzi (“Hi Gale!”), Jennette is riddled with anxiety, shame, and self-loathing, which manifest into eating disorders, addiction, and a series of unhealthy relationships. These issues only get worse when, soon after taking the lead in the iCarly spinoff Sam & Cat alongside Ariana Grande, her mother dies of cancer. Finally, after discovering therapy and quitting acting, Jennette embarks on recovery and decides for the first time in her life what she really wants.

CW: All the warnings! Sexual assault, Disorder eating, Child abuse

This was so tough to read and yet I did laugh at a few parts. McCurdy starts at the beginning to show us what exactly it was like growing up in her family. All the family secrets are laid bare as we struggle to understand how these people could treat a little girl like that. And then things get even worse as she ages. I was absolutely appalled at a few scenes and it was very difficult to read them. But you need to to understand why McCurdy then makes the choices that she does in her late teens and early 20s. Everything makes so much more sense. I was glad to see that she is finally on the road to recovery. But I think I would have like another 5 years or so before she wrote this book. I would have liked to hear a bit more about her recovery before reliving all this trauma.

Next up on the TBR pile: