Sometimes Sweet started a journal day for every Thursday. I love the idea and find it easier to follow a prompt rather than think up my own. So, here we go:

Prompt #3: They say hindsight is 20/20, and with good reason- looking back at something always gives us a better view. We're often able to really see how our choices and decisions then shaped our today, and examine what we would have done differently given the chance. When looking back though, we often look way back, but for this exercise stay a little closer to present time and look back just 12 months. If you could go back just one year, what would you tell yourself? What advice would you offer about everything you've experienced?

One year ago I was pregnant with Arthur, but I hadn't really told people. This takes a bit of explanation. In summer 2012, I found out I was pregnant and promptly told everyone. I was so excited. And then in August, I had a miscarriage. It destroyed me for a few months. By Christmas 2012, I was ready both mentally and physically to try again. But I was still extremely scared and anxious what would happen. In January, I became pregnant and tentatively started to hope. As March began, I was still in a "wait and see" mode. I didn't want to get everyone's hopes up just to lose another baby. I wasn't even allowing myself to imagine what my future would look like and be like. I didn't want to become attached. And so I spent most of February and March pretending everything was okay when I was a wreck inside.

Obviously that pregnancy went smoothly and I now have a beautiful healthy baby boy. If I could tell myself one thing it would be to not worry so much. Things will work out. You don't always have to expect the worst. Sometimes things really do turn out great. It's hard for me to be optimistic. If I could, my life might be a little bit easier.