I find myself at a crossroads today.  It's been a week of reflection and planning.  The main question: Where to go from here?  Physically, mentally, education-wise, career-wise, relationship-wise... Let me back up a bit.  Last year at this time, I had lost my job as a teacher.  (The school closed due to financial difficulties.)  I was mourning the loss of my career.  I loved teaching, loved the school (even through the problems and difficulties), and I definitely loved my students.  Although very difficult, we hobbled along to give the seniors a proper send-off.  They graduated and have gone on to the next stage of their lives.  My sponsor class wasn't so lucky.  They were junior last year and had the difficult task of entering a new school for their senior year.  Personally, I was ready for a break from education.  I had a plan of moving to Omaha, NE and going to law school.  I was ready (or at least thought I was ready) to get out of teaching and try something new.  I was excited and sad about my new direction in life.

Fast forward a few months.   Come August, complications arose and I ended up staying here in Indiana.  There were no teaching jobs available.  I tried to find other work, but ended up mostly being unemployed through the school year.  My boys entered a new school and thrived.  I languished in limbo-land in regard to my hopeful move.  All through, I kept track of my former students.  Seeing them occasionally.  Watching them transition to different schools, and in some cases different activities and interests.

Now.  I find myself at a crossroads.  I am this close to getting an okay to move this month to Omaha.  A proposal is in the works.  Not exactly what I wanted, but a livable proposal.  The boys, my mother and I are preparing to go to Disney World next week.  These things are very exciting.  Things are moving forward!

But then I start to look back...  I am trying to write graduation cards for my students.  They've graduated, made it through their senior year.  And I am sad!  I am very proud of all of them for making it through and succeeding.  But I am sad that we lost our senior year.  We had such plans for their senior year.  Parties, fundraising, senior trip, graduation.  We had no idea that the year would be taken away.  And so I am writing these cards and I don't really know what to say.  How do I convey all these emotions in a little card?  How do I tell them how proud I am, but how sad I am that we couldn't experience it all together?  Part of the problems is that I don't know what to say about myself.  I realized this year that I really do want to go back into teaching.  I loved being a teacher, having a group of students that I could watch grow. I loved those feelings of accomplishment at the end of the year.  But I also want to go to law school.  I want to further my education.  Be a student again myself.

So Where to go from here?  Such a big question.  One that I can't answer today, but hopefully can make some progress soon.